The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
