i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
