She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
