Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
