There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
