Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
