no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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