Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Your cock deserves a montage
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
