I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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