The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
