too bad you live with your parents still
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
