I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
