PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
