Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
