1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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