Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
