did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
