Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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