I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Randomize
