Someone shit on the floor
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
