maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
