I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
