So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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