i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
