1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
