oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
