Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
