i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
