the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
