Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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