a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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