ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
