i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
