margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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