he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
