Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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