i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize
