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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
