Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
