im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
