the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You ate ashes out of my bong
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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