I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
