i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
im about as happy as oj after his trial
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
