I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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