Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
