oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
