Dual....:-)
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
