It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
