Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
