I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
