Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
