I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I love black thongs
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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