Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
